In a few days...

Earthquakes, tsunamis, radiation ... hasn't Japan suffered enough this year?

Nope. Marvin and I are coming to visit.

Just Kidding

I'm amazed at how many kids I've seen walking the streets of Tokyo alone. The other day I saw a kid about four years old out on his own. If you want to rape and kill a child, Tokyo is the place to do it. I know what you're thinking - what about Thailand and the Philippines? There you can pay a parent $5 and they'll give you the kid. That's like shooting fish in a barrel. Here, they assume their kids are safe. There are a couple of downsides, of course. Firstly, I've heard the girls here giggle and it's a really awful noise. There's no telling what sound they'll make when you rape and kill them. Secondly, they WILL come back from the dead to torture and kill you in the most horrible way that you can't even imagine.

Of course, I think I'm jealous that there's still a civilized country where kids are safe to walk around the streets by themselves and it's none of the countries I'm from.

Umm ... Yum?

Now why would I pay for a meal I can make at home ... with all natural ingredients, unprocessed, and loads more sauce than at a restaurant. And if you don't know what bukkake is, I really envy your innocence (and suggest you click on the link to end that innocence). The clencher clincher? - the restaurant is in a hood called Ichigaya.

Block cocking

Not sure if I've talked about the Tokyo phenomenon of people walking slowly in front of you and weaving in such a way that makes it impossible to pass them. I call it block cocking, because it cocks up your chances of getting to the next block in a timely manner. I got block cocked today by a very skillful man. This gimp fellow was doubly annoying because I managed to get around him and when we stopped at an intersection, he managed to get infront of me again for another block. I seriously thought about tripping him up. Hi Tokyo. I'm back.

Methinks he doth protest too much..

Saw this on the back of a shirt on a guy in Shinjuku. Weirdly, the only straight men whose sexuality I'm absolutely sure of are those who have no issues around homosexuality at all. Why is that?

Onsen fall

Saw a side of the Japanese today I know exists but try to ignore.

Was at an onsen. This tall, thin guy got out of the really hot bath. He took a few steps, wobbled, and fainted, smacking his head hard against the tiled floor.

I wasn't the closest to him, but I moved the fastest. And because he weighed two pounds less than a piece of string, I could pick him and carry him over to a bench. There were about twenty other people around. The only two that came to help me was a very old half Japanese half non-Japanese guy and his clearly mentally challenged middle-aged son. Both could speak a little English. 

I got the older guy to go call the staff, and his son to get some cold water. The guy, frankly, looked dead. He woke up, his face completely gray and his body shaking like he was having a seizure. I asked the son to ask him if he was diabetic or had epilepsy but he was neither. He probably hadn't eaten enough and spent too long in the hot water.

Staff arrived and I backed off. They looked him over for about three minutes, then left. I asked the old guy where they were going. He said they believed the guy was just fine. He clearly wasn't. I went and bought the guy a cold sports drink with electrolytes and sat with him for about an hour. His head wasn't bleeding, but the shaking and gray skin made me worry about concussion. The twenty other people still just sat with empty looks on their faces.

When he had somewhat recovered, he was apologetic, showering me with "sorry" and bows. I tried to dismiss it. Not the point, dude. I asked the old guy to tell him he should go see a doctor. It was a mighty hard head butt against the tile floor. The guy said he would and apologized again.

Disappointing. Read Murakami's book "Underground" about the subway terrorist attacks in Tokyo and you'll read how people stepped over seriously injured victims and rushed out because they were already late for work. I've worked at gyms in both Australia and the US where people have been injured and staff actually had to ask people to back off because so many wanted to help. I know it's a cultural thing, but it still sucks. Wouldn't mind a little of their egregious politeness channeled into selfless decency.

I left not long afterward. It was raining outside and I walked very carefully lest I slip and break a leg and die waiting for a foreigner to come help me.

Jujo

Jujo has a serpentine covered shopping arcade that they call the Jujo Ginza. I so desperately wanted to find this place charming and a worthy alternative to the glitz of the "real Ginza", but it was just an ugly, awful craphole. No offense, of course.

Click here to see the video of my trip to Jujo Ginza.